You Are Likely an Only Child

At your darkest moments, you feel frustrated. At work and school, you do best when you're organizing. When you love someone, you tend to worry about them. In friendship, you are emotional and sympathetic. Your ideal careers are: radio announcer, finance, teaching, ministry, and management. You will leave your mark on the world with organizational leadership, maybe as the author of self-help books.

The Birth Order Predictor

Back playing SNGs

I haven't been playing much lately, a few $5 SNGs here and there on party mostly, and some .01/.02 on UB - yes, I'm totally playing for fun and not money lately...

As DH left for work today, I told him I was going to go play a tournament. He told me to go play a $20 one, and make it worth my time... so I did, and got $40 in 3rd place. Thanks for the suggestion :)

You Know You're From Montana When...

You get passed when you are driving seventy five.

The rodeo is the social event of the year.

You tell North Dakota jokes.

The pickup trucks all have two rifles and two big dogs.

People you don't know smile and say "Howdy."

Bumper stickers are about guns, horses or chewing tobacco.

The only people wearing white shirts are out of town Lawyers

Someone says manure spreader and you know it isn't the local congressman

When the car in front of you is weaving, you suspect a farmer instead of a drunk

You can actually pronounce the City's name Glasgow (Glasgo) without calling it Glascow

Maps and gloves are kept in your vehicles "jockey box"

You can choose plastic bags or a paper sacks for your groceries

You have 10 favorite recipes for Elk meat.

You can write a check at McDonald's for 2 Big Macs and fries.

The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

The major county fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making.

You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry, and your Sorels.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Montana.

How Redneck Are You?

You Are 50% Redneck

You're just about as welcome up in town as a hair in a biscuit. Ain't no hidin' your redneck roots!

How Redneck Are You?

Friday Night Poker

I give up on playing $1/$2 on Poker Room! I played more tonight, and I find it impossible to win a hand there. In total I have played 367 hands at -4.5/bb/100

I was going to withdraw my money from there, and decided to play another SNG there, this time a $10+1 and I again took 1st place for $35. The SNGs don't seem to take as long as Party either. So, I will leave some money for playing SNGs at Poker Room.

Poker Room

Playing $1/$2 at Poker Room has been awful...
I have played 300 hands and am down $39 (6 BB/100)

My experience there has been much different than Part or UB.

In looking thru my stats, I see the only hands I won with are:
AA QQ QJ AK AQs KQs
Always Losing Hands
KQ KJ AQ J9s KT AJ QJs KTs TT KJs 55

A few other interesting tidbits, I had
AA 4 times
QQ 1 time
99 1 time
77 2 times
55 5 times
33 1 time

So I tried a SNG on Poker Room, $5+/.50 and I finished 1st place for $17.50. I only wish Poker Tracker worked with PR tournaments, I will have to keep track here instead.

I played $1/$2 on UB last night and did well. For 88 hands I was up $82 (46 BB/100)

Record number of Powerball winners, thanks to fortune cookie

Record number of Powerball winners, thanks to fortune cookie

A record 110 players won $500,000 and $100,000 prizes in Wednesday's Powerball drawing, most of whom apparently used the numbers included in a fortune-cookie message. Ordinarily the multistate lottery expects only four tickets to win at the Match 5 prize level.

Hey, when I get chinese take out, they put 6 or 8 fortune cookies in the bag... I wonder how they decided which ones to play? or did they buy more than 1 ticket???

Who's Who in Montana

This is too funny...
Montana Jones: Who's who in Montana

As near as I can tell I am a "friendly neighbor-recluse-cowgirl"

who: me
Age: 30 and up
Hat: Cowboy Hat
Catch phrase: "This place is getting too crowded. Someone just put up a house two miles down the road."
Likes to wear: Clothes sold at Wal Mart
Knowledgeable of: Neighborhood gossip, Supermarket specials.
Found near: Won't be found near anything. They are trying to get away from it all.
Drives: Pickup Truck. Dirty.
Drinks: For as long as the beer supply lasts after monthly trip into town.

Thought for Monday...

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. ~Seven Wright

I played 2 more SNGs on Party... 2nd and 3rd place. I'm very pleased with the 100% ITM (in the money) for today. I have decided to try Poker Room, as they have a 40% first deposit bonus going on, and their site works with Poker Tracker.

Mondays Poker

Again, I started playing SNGs later today, and I finished in 2nd place on the first one I played.

Played 63 hands of $1/$2 on Party. 15 BB/100.

I withdrew $200 from Pacific. I have it sitting in Neteller, trying to decide which deposit bonus offer I want to use. I'm having trouble deciding which site. I will have to look and see what other sites work with Poker Tracker.

Party Poker Sit n Go

I started playing my SNG's on Party a little later today. Just finished the first one in 2nd place. Haven't decided if I will play more of them today.

So far today on Party $1/$2 I have played 131 hands at a rate of 22 BB/100

The Original Free iPod Guide

Check out this great site that is giving away totally FREE iPods!

All you have to do is join, complete an online offer (I signed up for Blockbuster Online (Just like Netfilx) its only $9.95/month for 3 movies at a time, and refer 5 friends to do the same. That's it!

Thinking this is just a gimmick? Check out the following reviews
The Original Free iPod Guide

Poker Tracker

Poker Tracker... well where do I start? I originally heard about it not long after I started playing online poker and thought it looked too complicated (kicking myself now that I waited so long). I have only been using it for 2 days now, but I am hooked!

A couple clicks and instantly I know that the hand I have lost the most money with is ATo - note to self: watch yourself playing ATo and KJo

Whether you want to know more about your opponents or your own playing (or both!) give poker tracker a try, its $55 (there is a free demo also). There are 2 things I recommend you read

Poker Tracker Guide - an ebook that costs $20 and is well worth it.
Bet On Poker website has several articles on using poker tracker.

3 more nights until the new episode of Desperate Housewives

Desperate Housewives is one of my favorite shows. It has been a long month waiting for a new episode. The wait is almost over... only 3 more nights. Wonder what I can make for a special snack to go with it?

Desperate Housewives - Home: "Sun, Mar 27 at 9/8c
'Ladies Who Lunch'

In this all new episode, Maisy Gibbons' (guest star Sharon Lawrence) series of unfortunate events shock the residents of Wisteria Lane, and have unexpected consequences for Bree; Gabrielle faces a crisis of her own when her sewer system goes out and she doesn't have the money to fix it; and Lynette braves a scandal herself when it's rumored that the twins started the school's head lice epidemic. Meanwhile, as Susan sinks into depression over her breakup with Mike, she finds a surprising ally."

Which Housewife are you?
Take the quiz

I'm Susan...


Susan from Desperate Housewives


You always mean well, but somehow things don't always work out as you'd planned. It doesn't matter. You take your tumbles with good grace and always come up smiling. But try to remember you're the grown-up in your family.

The Wrong Man (Harlequin Superromance)

I just finished reading this book The Wrong Man (Harlequin Superromance) by Laura Abbot

It was one of the best books I have read (maybe I'm a little biased since the setting was in my neck of the woods?). It is a second chance at love.

After an early marriage and a miscarriage Trent & Libby Divorce. Trent moves away, remarries and has a daughter. Sadly his second wife passes away and Trent moves back home with his young daughter, Kylie. Libby happens to be Kylies new teacher. Trent & Libby eventually work through their past and build a future together.

Thought for Today

Thought For Today...

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering
from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they're
okay, then it's you.

I'm Playing SNG's on Party this morning.
Results
9th place
3rd place
6th place

What's Your Drinking Style?

For everyone that wanted to know their Alcohoroscope here you go:

ARIES
Drinking style
Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get mighty flirty after a couple tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.

Trademark cocktails
Aries, born under the hot-stuff planet Mars, is the ruler of spicy food and red things -- and for balance, astrologers recommend they eat tomatoes, onions, olives and greens. That's right, Aries, you were born under the sign of the bloody Mary. Aries also rules grapefruit, and they've been known to kick back a salty dog and a sea breeze or two. For extreme hotcha, try a concoction with cinnamon liqueur in it.

Drinking buddies
Marlon Brando, Lawrence Ferlinghetti, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Al Gore, Thomas Jefferson, Elton John, Eric McCormack, Rosie O'Donnell, Sarah Jessica Parker, Reese Witherspoon


TAURUS

Drinking style
Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers, the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus will get, er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.

Trademark cocktails
Early-to-bed Taureans need a picker-upper -- try a Red Bull and vodka. They also have a leviathan sweet tooth and are fond of drinks with names that sound like dessert (50-50 bar, mudslide). Sweetly caffeinated drinks, like Irish coffee or white Russians, are ideal. More macho Taureans will go for something unpretentious, like a Jack and Coke or whiskey sour.

Drinking buddies
Cate Blanchett, Tony Blair, Pierce Brosnan, Cher, Penelope Cruz, William Randolph Hearst, Jerry Seinfeld, Barbara Striesand, Uma Thurman, Renee Zellweger


GEMINI

Drinking style
Geminis can drink without changing their behavior much -- they're so naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and allusion, then doing something to belie an extremely advanced state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Geminis possess the magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yell! ow drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.

Trademark cocktails
Easily bored Geminis need some stimulation in their drinks -- those with two parts, like a b! lack and tan (or just a double), are particularly appealing. Otherwise, they'll drink all over the map, ordering frou-frou drinks to add to their collection of cocktail monkeys or going for whiskey rocks because they're feeling rather noir. Gemini rules the herb anise -- make some home-infused anise vodka as a gift.

Drinking buddies
George Bush Sr., Johnny Depp, Rupert Everett, Boy George, Allen Ginsberg, Angelina Jolie, John Kennedy, Ian McKellen, Kylie Minogue, Morrissey

CANCER

Drinking style
Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do.

Trademark cocktails
Ruled by the moon, Cancers are intrigued by the idea of moonshine -- any brown booze, from ! a bourbon press! to a whiskey and soda to grandpappy's special brew in a mason jar, will do. They also like comfortingly warm and sweet drinks, like hot toddies and hot buttered rums. The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you served up a vanilla vodka and soda.

Drinking buddies
Pamela Anderson, George W. Bush, Bill Cosby, Tom Cruise, Harrison Ford, Sean Hayes, Lil' Kim, George Michael, Princess Diana, Prince William


LEO

Drinking style
Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware they're darling -- Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the one what brung them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish (and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.

Trademark cocktails
Leos like flashy drinks, be! they compli! cated tropical concoctions festooned with umbrellas, like a Bahama mama or the more common strawberry daiquiri or mai tai. Indeed, they often have a taste for the fruity -- try a screwdriver, or add an extra cherry to the next Manhattan. Their sense of drama lends itself to a kir royale, of course.

Drinking buddies
Ben Affleck, Gillian Anderson, Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Jennifer Lopez, Madonna, Debra Messing, Kevin Spacey, Martha Stewart, Andy Warhol


VIRGO

Drinking style
Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure -- but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do! Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!

Trademark cocktails
Many Virgos prefer clear, simple, untreacly drinks like vodka tonic or a real margarita, though you'll! ! find 'em drinking anything -- from unflinchingly downing Cuervo straight to smirkingly ordering a dirty virgin. They also tend to like bitter, low-alk guzzles like Campari and soda. They rarely change their drink once they've found it, however.

Drinking buddies
Cameron Diaz, Hugh Grant, Christopher Isherwood, Michael Jackson, Freddie Mercury, Carrie-Anne Moss, Dorothy Parker, Ryan Philippe, Keanu Reeves, Lily Tomlin

LIBRA

Drinking style
"I'm jusht a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's jusht that I'm so damn social?" Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side (they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble -- including wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with their best friend's beau or even blacking out the night's events entirely. Oops!

Trademark cocktails
Aesthetic Libras like pretty, pouffy drinks like a pink lady or a brandy Al! exander. That'! s the influence of Venus, their ruling planet, which also gives them a horror of crudely named potions like Sex on the Beach. They're fine with "normal" guzzles like apple martinis, but every Libra secretly just wants Champagne, and lots of it.

Drinking buddies
Jimmy Carter, Simon Cowell, Ani DiFranco, Janeane Garofalo, Hugh Jackman, Martina Navratilova, Gwyneth Paltrow, Sting, Oscar Wilde, Catherine Zeta-Jones


SCORPIO

Drinking style
Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink, and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a personality-altering tool -- though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration. But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything -- especia! lly what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.

Trademark cocktails
Just as a Scorpio can look you in the eye and smile while secretly plotting your demise, so does the brandy-laced stinger's sweet taste hide a potent amount of alcohol. If you want to get literal, serve them a scorpion -- they may not love tropical drinks, but it shows you're paying attention. Scorpio rules watermelon, so break out the blender and fix a pitcher of watermelon margaritas to seduce 'em -- though red wine will do the trick just as well.

Drinking buddies
Truman Capote, Hillary Clinton, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jodie Foster, Bill Gates, k.d. lang, Megan Mullally, Demi Moore, Sylvia Plath, RuPaul


SAGITTARIUS
In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all y! our secrets and many of their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room, then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun. Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).

Trademark cocktails
A travel-loving sign, Sagittarius might be intrigued by drinks like Moscow mules, Singapore slings -- perhaps ! even a Long Island iced tea (not a bad option, given how much Sag can put away and still stay vertical). Party monsters that they are, they're attracted to shots, like the ever-popular lemon drop. Sag rules pears, and could use a nice pear cider right about now, come to think of it.

Drinking buddies
The Bush twins, Margaret Cho, Noel Coward, Betty Ford, Lucy Liu, Brad Pitt, Keith Richards, Frank Sinatra, Anna Nicole Smith, Britney Spears


CAPRICORN

Drinking style
Capricorn is usually described as practical, steadfast, money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star: independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you to quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook up with a cute groupie.

Trademark cocktails
Old-fashioned Cap would probably like an old-fashioned just fine -- or a dry martini, or a gin an! ! d tonic, or a gimlet -- or any other no-nonsense quaff. They prefer drinks that taste like alcohol and generally hate drinks with more than three ingredients. However, they like the flavor of cranberry and will order a cosmo if they can handle the wait for it to get mixed.

Drinking buddies
Orlando Bloom, David Bowie, James Dean, Marlene Dietrich, Martin Luther King Jr., Jude Law, Annie Lennox, Marilyn Manson, Richard Nixon, Elvis Presley


AQUARIUS

Drinking style
Aquarius and drinking don't go together that well (except for water, that is). They have an innate tendency toward know-it-allism, and if they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however, they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative -- and they make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if you can get them before they start raising their wrist): Aq! uarius is fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations with soused strangers while sober.

Trademark cocktails
Aquarius is likely to order stuff most people have never heard of: a capirinha, Satan's whiskers, a negroni, an Arthur Tompkins. They like to stump the bartender. This sign rules the color electric blue and would be pleased by any tipple featuring blue curacao. They also rule the olive tree, so pour the juice into that dirty martini.

Drinking buddies
Jennifer Aniston, Ellen DeGeneres, Dr. Dre, Matt Groening, Ashton Kutcher, Ronald Reagan, Christina Ricci, Justin Timberlake, Oprah Winfrey, Elijah Wood


PISCES

Drinking style
If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign -- and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and Kurt Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to l! ose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways, you know.

Trademark Cocktails
Pisces rules fresh mint, and they do love a mojito or three -- though a julep will do just as well. They also like punches, like sangria or the oh-so-aptly named fish house punch. (Pretty much anything will satisfy a Pisces in a pinch, though -- "drinking like a fish" is an idiom pulled out of the zodiac, not the deep blue sea.) Pisces is a chocoholic and loves creme de cacao (and spiked cocoa).

Drinking buddies
Drew Barrymore, Chastity Bono, Chelsea Clinton, Kurt Cobain, Edward Gorey, Queen Latifah, Liza Minelli, Anais Nin, Sharon Stone, Liz Taylor

Playing on Party

I started off with $89.08 playing on $2/$4, where I promptly got in a huge pot with my pocket Q's loosing to pocket Aces. I moved down to $1/$2 and won several hands. Was able to leave with $96.08

Note to Self: Stick to $1/$2 on Party for awhile... Remember a few days ago you turned $49 into $96 on $1/$2 at Party.

Absolute Results

I played on Absolute $1/$2 for 20 minutes tonight. Started with $32.25 and left with $52 (which I promptly withdrew to neteller as the minimum withdrawl is $50). I had previously stated I didn't like Absolute, but I may have to try there again in future, as long as I only play at NIGHT. I noticed there were quite a few more tables, and the waiting lists were much shorter. And what do you know.... I made 10x BB in 20 minutes :)

Monday's Poker Results

I'm starting today by playing SNGs at party. Results:

-5th
-9th (my pocket K's that made a set got beat by pocket A's that also made a set)
-2nd

Now I'm gonna go play some $1/$2 on party. Correction, I tried to play on party, waited about 10 minutes (tables had large waiting list) and went to UB instead.

Playing on Absolute

I really don't like Absolute Poker, but I have $25.50 sitting there and I will see what I can do with it, if nothing else maybe clear some of my pending bonuses.

Why don't I like Absolute? I like to play 9 or 10 tables, and almost always there is a waiting list of 5 or 10 minutes. Another thing is, even though there is a waiting list when I first get there, before long the table I'm at is short 2 or 3 people.

UPDATE: I played on the $1/$2 and left with $32.25

1st place in a SNG

Update for today...

I just finished 1st in a SNG. I feel I was playing the same way I always play, and how I played earlier today.

Is it just coincidence, or are the SNG's easier to win at night?

Ten things God won't ask:

1...God won't ask what kind of car you drove;
He'll ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.

2...God won't ask the square footage of your house,
He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

3...God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet,
He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.

4...God won't ask what your highest salary was,
He'll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.

5...God won't ask what your job title was,
He'll ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.

6...God won't ask how many friends you had,
He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

7...God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived,
He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.

8...God won't ask about the color of your skin,
He'll ask about the content of your character.

9...God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation,
He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell.

10...God won't ask how many people you forwarded this to,
He'll ask if you were ashamed to pass it on to your friends.

Happy moments, praise God. Difficult moments, seek God. Quiet moments, worship God. Painful moments, trust God. Every moment, thank God

Getting Serious About SNG's on Party Poker

Today, I'm going to get serious about SNG's (Sit n Go's) on Party Poker. I have played some in the past... some days I made money, some days I broke even, and some days I didnt. I am going to keep track of my results from now on. My (yes, very small) goal is to play 3 today.... Which I did.

RESULTS for $5+1
4th place
4th place
9th place
9th place
RESULTS for $10+1
5th (bad beat... My nut flush got beat by a full house on river)

Non poker related: I paid $2.09 for gas this morning!

CNN.com - Country singer Chris LeDoux dead at 56 - Mar 10, 2005

CNN.com - Country singer Chris LeDoux dead at 56 - Mar 10, 2005

I like many of his songs, and will miss him.

I received $10 free from Pacific Poker

I just got $10 free money from pacific poker...

Take a minute to sign up, maybe you will too
http://www.PacificPoker.com?sr=320532

Are you really you?

Are you really you?
Click here to take a quiz to see if your personality matches your astrological sign

I'm really me, are you you?

Great Day on Ultimate Bet

I had the greatest night on Ultimate Bet...

Started the day with $126.17
ended with $554.51
Up $428.34

I made the jump to $1/$2 no limit. I hadn't played higher than $.25/$.50 NL.

Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U- Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago." (always a good opener)
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such as, "ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat broad."

WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.

DRIVING ETIQUETTE
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.

You Know You're from Montana When...

You Know You're from Montana When...

• The wind is faster than your truck.
• Every other vehicle is a 4x4.
• When the sun goes down you start looking for your coat.
• In March your vehicle is 43% mud.
• You leave your keys in the car and the next morning it's still there.
• You installed your new computer using a Leatherman tool.
• You hear the words "stream" or "brook" pronounced "crick."
• The elevation exceeds the population.
• You've broken down on the highway and somebody stops to help you.
• You can see the stars at night.
• People drive 200 miles to shop in a real mall.
• Your great grandmother is older than the courthouse.
• You got a set of snow tires for Valentines Day.
• The bumper jack in your pickup will lift a house.
• Your back yard smells like sagebrush or various animals.
• A girls' basketball game fills the gym.
• You slept through the night unawakened by a siren.
• A rodeo is more popular than a rock concert.
• You can fish, golf, and go skiing all in the same day if you try hard enough.
• Yellow light means "follow the car in front of you no matter what."
• Democrats are like salmon, they are on the endangered species list.
• You wave to someone on the freeway because you recognize the truck.
• You talk about a combine and people don't wonder what you are putting together.
• In the spring every tenth car you pass is a tractor.
• When the car in front of you is weaving you suspect a farmer instead of a drunk.
• Maps and gloves are kept in your vehicle's "jocky box."
• You can choose plastic bags or paper sacks for your groceries.
• You have to wait for a flock of sheep to pass you on the road.
• You know why people pay money to watch "pig wrestling."
• You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your friends.

You Know You're Born and Raised in A Small Town When...

• During a storm you check the cattle before you check the kids.
• You are related to more than half the town.
• You can tell the difference between a horse and a cow from a distance.
• Your car breaks down outside of town and news of it gets back to town before you do.
• Without thinking, you wave to all oncoming traffic.
• You don't buy all your vegetables at the grocery store.
• You don't put too much effort into hairstyles due to wind and weather.
• There's a tornado warning and the whole town is outside watching for it.
• The local gas station sells live bait.
• You go to the State Fair for your family vacation.
• You get up at 5:30 am and go down to the coffee shop.
• You're on a first name basis with the county sheriff.
• When little smokies are something you serve on special occasions.
• You have the number of the Co-op on speed dial.
• All your radio-preset buttons are country.
• You try to find the cheapest room rates when going out of town.
• Using the elevator involves a grain truck.
• Your mayor is also your garbage hauler, barber, and insurance salesman.
• You know you should listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
• You call the wrong number and talk to the person for an hour anyway.
• Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out.
• You know cow pies aren't made of beef.
• You wake up when it's dark and go to bed when it's still light.
• You listen to "Paul Harvey" every day at noon.
• You can tell it's a farmer working late in his field and not a UFO.
• Your nearest neighbor is in the next area code.
• You know the difference between field corn and sweet corn when they are still on the stalk.
• You know the code names for everyone on the CB.
• You can eat an ear of corn with no utensils in under 20 seconds.
• You wear your boots to church.
• It takes 30 seconds to reach your destination and it's clear across town.
• You can tell the smell of a skunk and the smell of feedlot apart.
• The meaning of true love is that you'll ride in the tractor with him.
• You go to Wal-Mart for your Saturday shopping.
• Your main drag in town is two blocks long.
• You defend the beauty of being able to see the next town which is 20 miles away.

You Know You're a Montana Rancher if......

You Know You're a Montana Rancher if......
• you know how to spell heifer, Hereford and Charolais
• you know someone who’s lost a digit to a rope, a chain saw or a skinning knife
• you keep old machinery around just for parts.
• you put old tires on top of haystacks, shingled roofs and the outhouse.
• you have an outhouse.
• driving 80 miles per hour on the freeway seems kind of slow.
• when you hear the word "season" you think calving, branding, haying or shipping.
• you have ever lost pets and livestock to mountain lions, wolves, bears, raccoons, foxes, coyotes, skunks, badgers, eagles or dude hunters.
• You think a traffic jam is waiting to pass a tractor on the county road.
• a vacation means attending the livestock auction sale (him) and going back-to-school shopping (her) in the city.
• you measure distance in miles, not minutes.
• you’ve been to tractor rallies or draft-horse shows or mule log-pulling events.
• down south means Wyoming.
• Minneapolis is "back East."
• Washington is "the coast."
• everybody you know has — at least once — hit a deer, elk, moose or cow and so have you.
• you drive up to 200 miles or more to attend an evening dance, show or rodeo.
• as a kid you rode the school bus for an hour each way.
• you’ve seen people wear bib overalls at funerals, weddings and the annual Christmas pageant at the church.
• you see pickups, with no one in them and with engines running, parked in front of stores and bars no matter what time of year.
• you get a kick out of explaining what’s a Testicle Festival to dudes.
• taking your drink in a "go cup" from the local bar is a time-saver.
• you have a security light on a pole between the house and barn and leave both unlocked.
• you carry jumper cables in your vehicle, but your spare tire is missing.
• you consider the four food groups to be fat, salt, sugar, caffeine and Copenhagen.
• you are convinced spices consist of salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
• all the pickups on the place fail to start so you drive to town on the tractor.
• you know that driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
• driving in the winter means staying between the fence posts.
• you think that washing your pickup is a waste of time and money.
• you have never owned a vehicle that did not have cracks in the windshield.
• your blood pressure rises when you have to drive in a city of more than 8,000.
• a flannel nightie and tube socks seem like sexy lingerie.
• you know how many cords of wood it will take to get through the winter.
• you know all four seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and where do those girls on highway construction go to the bathroom?
• you know what a Rocky Mountain Oyster is and will gladly share a recipe for how to prepare them.
• you know how to correctly pronounce the capitol of Montana, the capitol of South Dakota and the state of Oregon.
• Driver’s Education was a joke for you and your classmates since you’d all been driving since the age of 10.
• you actually get these jokes and forward them to your rancher friends.

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The Paradox of Time

The Paradox of Time
—Author Unknown
The paradox of time in history is that we:
Have taller buildings, but shorter tempers
Wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints
We spend more, but have less
We buy more, but enjoy it less

We have bigger houses and smaller families
Bigger churches and smaller congregations
A multitude of prayers, but very little faith
A blessed life, but lack of gratitude
A loving God for our blemished hearts

We have more conveniences, but less time
We have more degrees, but less sense
More knowledge, but less judgment
More experts, but more problems
More medicine, but less wellness

We have multiplied our possessions,
But reduced our values
We talk too much, love too seldom, And hate too often
We’ve learned how to make a living, But not a life
We’ve added years to life, not life to years

We’ve been all the way to the moon and back
But we have trouble crossing the street to meet A new neighbor
We’ve conquered outer space, but not inner space
We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul
We’ve split the atom, but not our prejudice

We have higher incomes, but lower morals
We’ve become long on quantity, but short on quality

These are the times of tall men, and short character
Steep profits, and shallow relationships
More leisure, but less fun
More kinds of food, but less nutrition
These are the days of two incomes, but more divorce
Of fancier houses, but broken homes

It is a time when there is much in the show window
And nothing in the stock room
A time when technology can bring this letter to you

And a time when you can choose to make a difference
Or just hit delete…